Thursday, February 12, 2009

Learning to Trust

Many of you know my daughter is currently battling an unknown illness. For those who don't the short note is she has had a fever for the past 5 days of 100+ degrees and is complaining of chest pains. An EKG, chest x-rays and blood work have suggested either a virus impacting her lungs or something a bit more serious dealing with her heart. I honestly don't know how concerned I should be, I only know my 6-year-old little blessing does not feel well and we won't have any more answers until after her ECHO next Monday.

She's sick but she's also heartbroken. She missed a fun day at school on Monday where the kids were allowed to wear their PJs and celebrate the 100th day of school. Tomorrow our friend Cheri Keaggy is singing at chapel at her school and the Valentine's Day party is taking place in the afternoon. As a mom my own heart hurts knowing she's missing out on the fun while I also long to just have her back to the normal, happy child she was a week ago.

Life has a way of gripping your heart even if you aren't a parent. Seeing disappointment in others is so difficult but it seems especially hard to witness it on the face of a child. I held Lydia in my arms Tuesday night as she sobbed through her disappointment of missing the 100 day activities. I held her again this morning as she began processing the possibility of not seeing Cheri sing or handing out and receiving valentine cards in class. You and I know this is only one of many times in her life she will get to participate in something fun but to her, it seems as if her world is falling apart. And frankly, that stinks!

Amidst my own disappointments and concerns I have found a quiet reserve of strength in my faith in God's restorative healing and the abundance of prayers being spoken even at this very moment on Lydia's behalf. The emails and verbal well-wishes from friends and family have truly lifted my spirits into a place of hope. It is ironic (or perhaps not) that I chose Trust for my focus this year. It is certainly being tested this week. I have vowed to make Trust a verb. To fully and completely turn all my fears, desires and everyday needs over to Christ who cares for me beyond measure.

Watching a sick child and knowing I have absolutely no control is definitely a test of my resolve to Trust. So trust I am. I rest knowing there is no better hope than to cling to the fact that Jesus is working on behalf of Lydia. He is after all, my saviour, my comforter and my friend.

Thank you Jesus for your great love and for inspiring me to trust. I love you more than anything.

Thank you also to my family and friends for speaking love to me, Michael and Lydia during this difficult period. I love you all very much.

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